The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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