My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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