some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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