Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
