The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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