I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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