I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My dick has a subreddit
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
