Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
