Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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