You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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