Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry calixdude4life hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.

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(949): View more from California

how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?

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(314): View more from Missouri

I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.

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(516): View more from New York

he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.

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(480): View more from Arizona

She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day

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(218): View more from Minnesota

I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time

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(815): View more from Illinois

...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.

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(912): View more from Georgia

I'll call you on my way home

(1-912): View more from Georgia

Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.

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