im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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