My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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