don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize