WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
