Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
