Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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