My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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