miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
