I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
