please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize