i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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