she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize