Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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