They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
