remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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