Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
