I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
