The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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