I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
