I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize