even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
