look no pants
high people should be assigned attendants
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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