Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
