i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
