we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
