Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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