Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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