i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
