my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize