Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
