I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Randomize
