conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
