just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
