How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
