I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
