I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
