The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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