i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
