i always forget guys have bellybuttons
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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