The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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