I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
