it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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