It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
