i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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