I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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