My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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