so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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