Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
