I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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