True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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