dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
