guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
