Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
