Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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