I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
