Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize