I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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