Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
