I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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