Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
