you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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