I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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