We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
