Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We had sex on a dog bed..
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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