Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
