Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
