hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
