Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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