You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
That accounts for only three of the penises
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
