if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I love having hate sex.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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