Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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