i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
